Annette Du Bois is a multi-award-winning expert on self-confidence, motivation and mental strength. She was also chosen as the confidence ambassador for SKY Academy and is the co-founder of CHAMPS Academy and a successful business owner.
The one thing that sets successful people apart from those who struggle and fail is the ability to tap into their inner and outer resources available to them, says Annette Du Bois. No matter what happens, the resources to change the situation or how it makes us feel are always available to us.
The biggest challenge however is accessing, uncovering and igniting such resources in times of stress and challenge.
This is why you need to get into what I call the ‘Resource-Ready’ mindset and add it to the experiences and challenges that life feeds you. When you are resourceful you release more creativity, ingenuity and mental acuity, making your ability to handle experiences more effective and Zen-like!
When we get resourceful, the resources start to appear and the mind accesses helpful and supportive states. But when stressed, anxious and emotional, the fallout of negative emotions will shut us down. So, instead, ask yourself “What can I do to change how I feel about this?” Or “What must happen for me to get more ‘Resourceful?” One of the things you could try is doing something completely different that stimulates you (change the landscape so to speak), then reverse engineer your way out of the feeling or limiting emotion.
For example, imagine feeling the way you really want to feel (such as confident, brave, certain, happy) then work your way back figuring out what made it possible or what had to happen for you to experience this in the first place?
Resourcefulness (getting ‘Resource-Ready’) allows you to think differently and come up with solutions and gain greater perspective. Figuring a way out of or a way around the problem.
When facing challenges and bumps in the road it can be hard to remember that it’s normal for life to contradict our desires and goals sometimes. We all have setbacks and disappointments, and there’s always something in life that looks like shit.
But don’t allow a rough patch to define your life or you as a person. The secret to success is to use adversity as a key to unlock another door to your greatness, rather than letting it slam you in the face.
When looking at our world and your personal circumstances it can be easy to feel disempowered, less confident and powerless. But you must rise to the challenge and decide that you won’t be cheated out of your power and ‘Resourceful State’. By choosing to embrace your setbacks, you look your obstacle square in the face and meet it head-on.
An old quote I often use is: “Good timber does not grow with ease, the stronger the wind the stronger the trees”.
It’s easy to just talk about embracing setbacks and challenges, creating a feel-good narrative with yourself, but you only really know you are there when you acknowledge that it doesn’t feel good, uncomfortable, heavy, even painful.
When you fully commit to (not give in to) the feeling, it loses some of its power and hold over you. Yes, once we commit to the feeling it starts to dissolve in its power over us. Not always easy but possible when we re-focus.
Often the life experiences that hurt the most end up being our best friend and most authentic teacher. It’s interesting that when we are on the other side of something difficult, we feel that our initial reaction was somewhat disproportionate to the event itself. “Well, that was easier than I thought” is often said.
Whether it’s going to the dentist, public speaking, starting a new business or facing up to financial difficulties etc. to be your best, face your worst obstacles. Push through the bubble of restriction/limitation. Remember circumstances are not permanent, they shrink in intensity in time.
It reminds me so much of when I made the decision to become self-employed many years ago. Back then I was young, unhappy and inexperienced. A quick, sometimes ‘cringy’ rewind to my former corporate life in the telecoms industry sends shudders down my spine.
I had such determination and drive to become a team manager of a busy call centre before the age of 21. I achieved that goal. I had a secure job and money was great, but I have to admit I would regularly be engulfed with huge amounts of the classic ‘imposter syndrome!’ However, my ‘perfect career’ was short-lived, the industry changed and I was made redundant twice in a short period.
Consequently, my self-confidence plummeted like a concrete balloon. I completely lost my sense of identity, because this is what I “thought” I wanted? I felt utterly rejected and a waste of space. Happiness, security and confidence all abandoned me at the time.
One day after ‘signing on’ (not something I felt I would ever have to do) I got a piece of paper and wrote that big question perhaps you’ve asked at times…‘what do I really want to do?’.
After all the drama a big lesson was learnt eventually, I realised (or you could call it… woke up!) I didn’t want to work for anyone else, I wanted to create my own path by helping others get off the treadmill and become more self-reliant, confident, courageous, certain and unstoppable in their lives.
The years have delivered many challenges of course, but I can honestly say with absolute certainty it was one of the best things I’ve ever done. As I became more ‘Resourceful’ new doors and opportunities opened up. Now I love what I do. I believe you don’t get paid for what you do, you get paid for the impact you create.
One thing about life is that it leaves clues as to what might happen from people who have trodden the path before us, so we can avoid pain in our own lives. For example, you could look for evidence of a situation’s future emotional intensity and act there and then (if possible), to avoid future pain. If a situation looks potentially damaging take action now to neutralise, eliminate or reduce its potential threat to your well-being. Become your own fortune-teller.
I call this a PPS (Pre-Problem Session) and is a great tool for living a proactive, stress-free and balanced life. Although pain is a great teacher, sometimes learning from someone else’s experience is an even better one.
We all need to realise just how powerful and capable we are beyond the shackles of the modern age and the current problem or challenge. You see what really defines and shapes us is not what happens to us but our reaction or response to it. We have a choice and are not robots living mechanical responses. Don’t allow your limitations or circumstances to define you, let your ability to become resourceful solve your problems and shape your life.
It’s time to overcome your challenges, beat the setbacks and unshackle yourself from the metaphorical ankle weight by injecting a dose of pure resourcefulness into the mix.
Annette Du Bois has worked with (and coached) thousands of people worldwide from the UK, USA, UAE, South Africa and many other European countries with her unique and breakthrough system. Annette is passionate and committed to helping women of all ages overcome their mental and psychological shackles and blocks, enabling them to live their lives to the full, unleashing their ultimate potential. Follow Annette Du Bois on Instagram at @the_annette_du_bois for regular updates from her or make sure to have a look at her website here for more information about her work.