Kerry O’Sullivan is a Sex, Love and Pleasure Goddess, founder of The Goddess Awakening® and Conscious Couples. She is the bestselling author of Surrender To Your Truth and recently starred in the Channel 4 documentary Sex, Actually. Here she shows us how to rekindle our passion for life.
If you’ve lost your spark in life – you’ll know. Because nothing feels exciting anymore. The things you used to love don’t light you up or feel good anymore. You feel stuck in a job you hate, your relationships feel flat and intimacy is a distant memory. You have no idea why you’ve lost that zest for life, but everything feels like you are pushing through treacle.
Yet you tell yourself you have so much to be thankful for you, that you have no right to feel like this. You pop on a brave face, keep yourself busy and hope it will just go away.
It won’t. The body is so powerful and will store it and keep screaming at you until you listen.
So, how do you reignite that spark of desire in you?
You start by connecting more deeply to the most important thing you are ignoring – YOU!
Putting yourself at the top of your priority list is vital and that all starts with accepting how you are feeling. Not frantically trying to change it but listening to what’s really going on.
What do you want in your life right now – for you, for your relationship, for the way you live your life?
When the desire for life is lost, you’ve likely started to believe that what you want isn’t possible. But the real reason, somewhere deep in your heart, is that you don’t feel worthy of it.
Feeling shame, disgust, or fear of rejection can also play a big part in you manifesting what you want.
The first step is to make space to listen, open up the communication channels with your heart, and listen to its longings. This doesn’t come easy though, especially if you are used to keeping yourself super busy, spending too much time in your head rather than in a place that is full of heart and wisdom.
So, how about desire in love and intimacy?
If you’ve lost your spark in life, it’s likely to affect intimacy inside and outside the bedroom.
I spent years thinking I just picked the wrong partners as they didn’t know how to ignite that spark in me. It was their fault that I never orgasmed, it was their fault that I felt like I did and never knew what I wanted.
The truth is, it’s nothing to do with anyone else but you. When was the last time you sat down and connected to your body and asked yourself, what do I need? The more you disconnect from yourself, the more likely the ‘spark’ in you goes to sleep.
Reconnect with Yourself
Don’t expect someone else to ignite that fire in you if you can’t start it yourself. The spark of desire is what I would call Sexual Energy. It’s the life force that is so powerful it can create life but will lay dormant unless you wake it up. This, mixed with the energy of the heart, love, is a gorgeous tonic for waking up desire in your body.
Here are three beautifully nourishing ways for you to ignite that desire and passion in your life again.
Spend time alone in a place of being, not doing
Too much of our time is spent on the go and there is so much magic to be experienced in doing nothing. Start with five minutes and get used to sitting down and breathing into your body and notice what happens, what do you hear, see, and feel?
Journal about your thoughts
This is a great way to get an understanding of what’s alive in you. What thoughts and beliefs are you continually telling yourself? What is stopping you from connecting to your desire for life? If you don’t listen and acknowledge what’s going on, how will you ever know?
Some of my favourite journal prompts are:
Today I am feeling…
What am I here for?
What am I running away from?
What one thing would I love to gift myself for me today?
Physically Connect to Your body
This can often be the most challenging but the more you get to know your own body, the more wholesome you will feel. I invite you to do this in full presence without any distractions. Start in stillness, breathe into the body and acknowledge where in the body is asking to be touched. Explore it with different types of touch. How does it feel? What if you tried something different? Keep giving yourself love as the focus and meet the body with what it needs. Ask yourself:
What type of touch would my body like right now?
What do I love?
What don’t I like?
Reconnect with your Partner
Looking to ignite the spark in your relationship? Try these two simple but profound tools to increase honesty and intimacy.
This is one of the simplest ways to connect as a couple. The eyes are the window to your soul. Don’t exchange any words or touch, but look softly into the eyes and take each other in. If emotions arise and you start to cry, I invite you to let the tears come and be seen in your vulnerability.
Create Space to Talk
When intimacy is suffering, talking about it is often the last thing you want to do. It’s a game-changer. How can things improve if you don’t know how each other feels?
Create some space and ask each other: What do you desire? What do you miss? Be honest with each other. Even if it’s a wild fantasy or you think it may be hard to say it out loud, go for it!
Reconnecting with your desires starts with loving yourself and believing you can have everything you desire in life. Are you ready to ignite the spark in you and start putting you first?
Kerry’s book ‘Surrender To Your Truth’ is available on Amazon, Waterstones and Barnes & Noble.
Photos By Katrina Festorazzi at Fast2Foto.