It’s not just the people we invite into our lives that need to complement rather than complicate, says TJ Gristwood. Our emotions too should be invite-only if we are to enjoy a free-flowing experience while navigating life.

Life should be seen as a special event. Something to celebrate every day. A ‘party’ that we organise and orchestrate.

Who we invite depends on all manner of things, but when we are in control of the guest list the obvious choice would be people that enhance, add warmth, excitement, and bring interesting conversation to the table rather than leaving the front door wide open as an invitation to all and sundry.

However, when it comes to our ‘emotional guests’ the front and back door are often kicked off their hinges, leaving us vulnerable to less desirable visitors.

Planning any special event takes time and effort. We choose the attendees, seating arrangements, what delicacies we will be serving and how we will create the perfect ambience. We want everything to be perfect.

Now, imagine if each of your guests were an emotion. Would you be happy sitting at a table occupied by Ms Guilt, Miss Anger, Mrs Fear, Lady Shame, Dame Jealousy or Madame Low Self Esteem? No, I didn’t think so. The party would be incredibly volatile, oozing with anxiety, and possibly end in a cat fight.

Yes, these ‘guests’ are a part of life, but how long they linger depends on the leverage and permission we give them to spend time sitting at our table. Awareness of these gate crashers and how often they manage to creep into our exclusive soirees uninvited is essential if we are to maintain equilibrium.

Negative emotions often act as a mirror or a message when we need to learn something important on our journey. We must acknowledge both positive and negative emotions. Accepting each emotion is paramount to maintain flow. Denial will only create blocks within our physical and emotional body.

Women experience emotion in a very heightened state. We are designed this way to aid us with multi-tasking, achieving the impossible and holding every aspect of our lives together. Emotions guide and teach us how to step into our power and remain true to our life purpose. Once we have worked out why we are feeling that emotion in the first place, of course!

With this in mind let’s explore some of these negative emotional states.

‘Ms Guilt’ can be one of the most persuasive and powerful of our unwanted party guests. She worms her way into our subconscious by making us feel uncomfortable if we don’t comply, conform, or give in when we fight to remain true to ourselves. Taking responsibility for our actions, making decisions based on what truly serves us and delivering them with love usually stops Ms Guilt from barging her way in uninvited.

‘Miss Anger’ often rears her head when we are fearful or losing control. She can, however, be a positive as well as negative emotional guest. Anger acknowledged and released safely creates power and urges us to act, but if this emotion remains steadfast it festers, becomes destructive and hurts us, rather than the situation or person that created it. She is best released with a swift kick out the back door after punching a pillow and howling at the moon.


‘Mrs Fear’ tends to dip in and out like an annoying wasp that won’t leave the picnic on a summer’s day. She nips away at the edges of our positivity, creating scenarios that haven’t happened yet with a seductive whisper and sly smile. Fighting fear can feel like grappling a lion, but with focus and determination to simply remain in the present moment, let go, trust, and believe all is well in your world, the lion can be tamed.

‘Lady Shame’ is a sneaky character. A mirage manifested by the judgements we place on our actions and those of others. Forgiveness is her kryptonite. Watch her evaporate in a puff of smoke when you master the art of forgiving yourself and others. It takes practice but for those of you who experience the emotion of shame, I urge you to forgive, forgive, forgive.

‘Dame Jealousy’ has a firm grip on the doorhandle and sweeps in like a supermodel ready to crush all things good in your life beneath her stiletto heels if you let her. She means business and her goal is to reign havoc on your heart, your connections, and any hope you may have of moving on in life if you let her in the door. The best way to keep her out of any situation in life is to remember who you are. Remember how unique you are and what you can offer this world.

And last but by no means least is ‘Madame Low Self Esteem’. She loves to hold hands with all the other negative emotions like a sucker fish. They feed her misery more than the delicious spread you have provided at your fabulous dinner party. Without acknowledging your true value and power she will devour, demolish, and ambush every golden opportunity life may give you.

Loving every aspect of who you are is the only way to kick her out without calling on security to remove her permanently from your life.

Emotions play a huge part of who we are, how we experience our lives and what we do with them. Remaining in a state of constant bliss won’t give us the chance to reflect on our journey. But choosing our ‘emotional guests’ becomes easier once we understand why we feel them, how they serve us and what they can bring.

It’s up to us how often we invite each emotion, whether positive or negative, into our heart and our soul.

This is your party after all and you can cry, dance, laugh, sing, or scream if you want to.

With Love, Light and Fairy Blessings,

T J Gristwood

T J Gristwood


Follow TJ Gristwood on Instagram here.


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